We begin Part 2 describing our interactions with former FLOTUS Michelle Obama after her Fireside Chat in Sydney. Even though the meetings are short, both Michelle and Barack have an uncanny ability to make each person they meet feel like the only person in the room and greeted Alva with such warmth and enthusiasm. Michelle asked Alva so many questions about herself, what she likes to do, her favourite topics to learn, what she was enjoying about school and her teacher more broadly. She showed such genuine kindness and intense curiosity, gave her great advice and encouraged Alva to continue her love of learning. She hugged Alva and made her feel so special throughout their discussion and the photo being taken.
I typically am in “professional” mode when we attend these events with our clients and colleagues. Michelle Obama paying me compliments on my family and parenting was not on my Bingo Card for 2026 but wow, what a moment that was! As I watched Michelle interact with both Alva and our 12-year-old son Caelan, I was so in the moment and focused on my family. I was so curious about what they were speaking about and so touched by Michelle’s humanity that I almost forgot what I was planning on saying to her when it was my turn to say hello. Michelle beat me to the punch and paid me beautiful compliments about my children. I was so taken aback that I was (almost!!) lost for words.
When Michelle asked Alva for a second hug as we left, Alva’s face lit up so brightly and I could see her self-concept rising right there on the spot (and could guess she was considering how many people were being asked for additional hugs!). We share this moment not simply because it was extraordinary for Alva and for me – though it was – but because it felt like a living illustration of everything Michelle spoke about during her Fireside Chat. About what it means to be seen. About the adults who shape us. About the flame every child carries into the world and what we do with it.
Following our opportunity to meet Michelle and take photos, we exited the room and when I reached to hug Alva, she jumped straight back and declared “You can’t hug me because you’re going to rub Michelle Obama’s hugs off of me!” Unwilling to accept the fate of never hugging my daughter again, I had to think quickly and shared “Oh sweetheart, when I hug you, I won’t rub Michelle’s hugs off you… I’ll rub them in so her hugs are with you forever!” Thankfully Alva embraced my reframe without further questions and jumped into my arms! More on Alva later…
Key elements of our interactions and Michelle’s Fireside Chat reminded us of some of the key tenets we impart to clients when helping them overcome Imposter Experiences including some powerful quotes from Professor Adam Grant in his book ‘Hidden Potential’ and some of the podcasts and interviews he has been quoted in subsequently, including this interview extract with Oprah Winfrey and our event with him – curated by the Growth Faculty – in 2024.
“If you doubt yourself, shouldn’t you also doubt your low opinion of yourself? … When multiple people believe in you, it’s time to believe them.”
– Dr. Adam Grant
For those of us who work in talent development, this is a call to be more deliberate about who we are looking for – and where. The most capable people in any talent pipeline are not always the most visible, the most polished or the most networked. They are sometimes the ones who are waiting, quietly, for someone to notice the flame.
The implications for talent development could not be more direct. In our work supporting organisations to identify and develop high-potential talent, we are consistently struck by how much the trajectory of a promising leader can hinge on a single encounter with someone who believed in them before they believed in themselves. A manager who said: I think you’re ready for this. A mentor who asked: what do you actually think? A sponsor who put their name behind someone who had not yet put their name behind themselves.
Belief is not soft. It is structural. It shapes what people reach for, what they risk and what they decide they are worth.
In our CEO succession and high-potential talent work, we have the profound privileged to sit with leaders at genuinely pivotal moments in their careers. What we have come to understand, across thousands of individual assessments and development conversations, is that one of the single most predictive factors of a leader’s capacity to keep growing is not their current capability. It is their belief that growth is possible – and their experience, somewhere along the way, of someone who held that belief for them before they could hold it for themselves.
Michelle’s framework maps directly onto what the best talent development looks like in practice. It is not a program. It is a posture. It is the manager who creates the conditions for their people to hear their own instincts clearly. The leader who gives stretch assignments not because someone is fully ready but because they believe in what they cannot yet see. The organisation that treats belief as infrastructure rather than sentiment.
In Thrive Advisory’s Leadership Insights Research, which drew on 13,000 comments from 715 senior leaders and Board Directors, the relationship with an immediate manager emerged as the single most influential factor in a leader’s decision to stay or leave an organisation. Not compensation. Not strategy. The person who showed up every day and either believed in them or did not. The kitchen table, it turns out, never stops mattering.
We began this article with a personal moment, with my 8-year-old daughter, Alva, meeting a woman who has spent her life proving that where you come from does not determine where you go. We end it with the same thought and the conversations, confidence and courage Michelle has inspired in our home since we met her.
In the weeks since our events, the classic psychologist Mama that I am, I have been bringing Michelle’s words and advice into our conversations at every possible opportunity and encouraging both of my children to recall her advice in the moments where stretching themselves beyond their comfort zones would count. I have toggled between WWMOS and WWMOD (What Would Michelle Obama Say/Do?) and it has proven to be quite the parenting hack! Two of my favourites so far…
When Alva was given the option to do a public speaking competition, she had originally shared she wanted to tap out of the opportunity because she was nervous about it. I told her I understood her nerves, posed WWMOS and WWMOD, which immediately turned into an agreement to participate (Thanks again Michelle!). We spent time over the subsequent weeks preparing what she would say, but more importantly (and more leverageable in the long-term), how Alva could listen to her thoughts and her body and understand how her nervousness was her body’s way of telling her how much she cares about something and wants to do a good job before working to relabel her nervousness to excitement about what she could convey in the moment. While we didn’t have the opportunity to watch her in action, she came home from school happy, reporting she was feeling comfortable and confident and actually enjoyed the experience!
On the more physically scary side of things, we set off on a fairly treacherous 2.5 hour hike in the Blue Mountains as a family a few weeks later. The trails were muddy, narrow, slippery and mostly had no railings or much to hold onto besides slippery rocks and trees. When we were about a quarter of the way through, Alva told me she was too scared to go any further. I was torn between listening and shortening the planned hike and trying to push her a little out of her comfort zone while making her feel safe and holding her hand where possible. When I rolled out my by-now reliable WWMOS, with quite the feisty attitude, Alva whipped around and said “Well I’m pretty sure that Michelle Obama would say it is ok to feel my feelings!” Touche my sweet girl! I responded with “You’re absolutely right darling, I think Michelle would absolutely agree that you should feel your feelings…but do you remember when I told you about the article I was writing after the event for work about Michelle’s advice called “Competence lives on the other side of fear” that talked about when Michelle Obama also said … believe in yourself and walk through the fear and that when you believe in yourself and others believe in you, you can shine and reach your potential? … After we agreed on what to do (we kept going with the agreement we would turn around if her fear got worse), I asked her if she wanted me to write an article about the discussions we had been having since the event with Michelle.
Once Alva heard my article and her photo with Michelle would be on LinkedIn and the Thrive Advisory website, she lit up and exclaimed something about how that would make her famous. She gave her wholehearted endorsement and I didn’t have the heart to share that I don’t have enough followers to guarantee even the tiniest level of infamy!
I hope at least our experiences and reflections are of interest and use as you consider and apply them. Before you say it, I know, I know…I recognise actually stating my title of “Competence lives on the other side of fear” in the middle of a somewhat scary 2.5 hour hike was a smidge OTT for an 8-year-old to absorb! And again, before you say it… on the feistiness trait, I know, I know, I know…the apple didn’t fall far from the tree!
In Part 1 of this article, we offered reflection questions centered on how others spotted and supported your potential, considered who, how and why your flame and potential was supported and ignited to allow you shine bright in addition to considering how you could leverage lessons from Michelle Obama and her family and replicate some of her parent’s approach and family rituals with your loved ones. In Part 2, we suggest the focus can turn to how you could pay it forward and how the concepts can be applied in our professional spheres.
Thank you again Michelle Obama and the Growth Faculty team for this wonderful experience!
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