When emotions and leadership expectations conflict, how do you decide when to express your true feelings and be “authentic” and when to put on a game face and show the emotions expected of you?
In the 20 years since Bill George published his seminal ‘Authentic Leadership’, leaders have increasingly faced the challenge of striking the right balance between authenticity and professionalism. For our clients, this can be a fundamental paradox, weighing up a well-intentioned commitment to the principle of authenticity against the pragmatic demands of operating without complete control in an imperfect environment. For many executives we coach and advise, this challenge coincides with the oft-cited ‘lonely at the top’ feeling, where they are privy to highly sensitive information (e.g., pending organisational changes and restructures), but are unable to disclose details that would violate ethical and role-expectations and/or NDAs, leaving them to walk the authenticity tightrope at times where their colleagues are seeking clarity and details.
This HBR article outlined why revealing too much of one’s feelings may result in a lack of credibility. While on the other hand, supressing one’s emotions can increase the likelihood of physiological symptoms (e.g., insomnia, body aches) and psychological symptoms (e.g., anxiety, burnout), presumably due to prolonged states of cognitive dissonance or the guilt of feeling disingenuous with colleagues you care for and respect. Combined and over time, these tightropes or authenticity gaps could potentially impact a host of individual, team and organisational outcomes.
We imagine that this challenge is becoming increasing common and complex as the expectation of leaders to be authentic, transparent and humanistic increases. Thrive’s Covid-19 Leadership research indicates this has been the case since the onset of the pandemic, highlighting the challenges inherent with authenticity regarding who you are, what you think/believe, what you feel and what you can say or share.
Recognising this very real challenge, author Dina Denham Smith, provides some tactical tips to regulate emotions in certain situations:
Re-appraise the situation:
Focus on what matters:
Do an emotional audit:
Take time to reconnect and replenish:
As part of this tip, Smith advises leaders to embrace self-compassion, suggesting it increases emotional intelligence, capacity to treat others more compassionately, and overall effectiveness as a leader. This buttresses Thrive Advisory’s Future of Leadership research currently underway, indicating the criticality of authenticity, vulnerability, empathy and EQ (with EQ increasingly surpassing IQ as a core leadership capability required for the future).
The rise of empathetic, emotionally aware leadership styles will pave the way for future leaders. According to research we featured last year, employees who felt their leaders to be empathetic and authentic were also more likely to report that they were:
However, Smith also points out that having to counter this dissonance on too regular a basis will become emotionally unsustainable, leading to a potential need for more fundamental reconsideration of your place in the organisation.
Over time, our hypothesis is that the paradox noted in this research should loosen. As the demand for empathetic leadership grows, so too will leaders’ comfort in showing transparency and authenticity, while maintaining discretion related to sensitive information and their reputation as effective leaders.
https://hbr.org/2023/01/when-your-feelings-conflict-with-your-leadership-role
